So this guy and I started chatting on facebook after a mutual friend introduced us to each other and I realised that I really enjoyed conversing with him. He had awesome photos of himself and his friends and family… and damn was he gorgeous!!!. We swapped email addresses and naturally phone numbers too… We planned to meet plenty of times but spontaneous plans would spoil it all. Then my ex and I broke up……………and that’s when he pounced!!!

 

We spoke for so much longer on the phone and emailed each other all most daily. I thought that he would be the perfect “prospect”. Every girl has a prospect of certain types of people in their lives… well he was my prospect of “the one”

 

He was perfect in every way…

• Gorgeous looking (extremely well groomed)
• Stunning teeth (with a cute little gap)
• Well built
• Luscious shiny hair
• Really smart – (A real genius!!!)
• Great taste in music
• Sport Fanatic
• Goal setter and achiever
• Extremely talented
• House-broken (lol)

 

So we decided to meet up one Friday night at News Café. I got there ahead of time with a few buddies of mine and we started the night… Shots of tequila, platters of assorted snacks, flaming lamborghini’s, an assortment of tropically coloured cocktails, you name it… if it was on the menu, we ordered it…

 

Eventually my blind date arrived with a couple friends too, I felt giggly and hyper!!! Maybe it was the dozen tequila shots I had earlier. So very obliviously everyone left to leave us alone to chat… he looked so shy and was so quiet. So we smiled at each other and finally started rambling randomly… by then everyone else came back and we thought that we’d go for a walk. So off we went… walking around the casino and shops….then suddenly stopped as we arrived at the entrance of the theatre…I was completely smashed!!! I knew it – and I tried very hard to hide it… So he pulled me in and seated me right next to him on the piano stool. (yeah at the time my bum wasn’t so big…lol)

 

Then he started playing the piano for me… and softly singing in my ear…man I wanted to kiss him at that point!!! *blush* The security guard rushed in and spoilt out moment… “You are not allowed to play on the piano, it is for display!!!” I could of crushed his nuts at that point but I couldn’t see straight… so we seated ourselves on the sofa’s opposite the piano and spoke some beautiful words which I can’t remember… then I moved in for a kiss… It was about time!!! I wasn’t gonna wait any longer for it… (lol you either give it to me or I take it!!!)

 

We waddled back to our table at News Café to find there were even more people at out table. I signalled to my sister that I needed to dash off to the ladies…so off we went. Slammed into a cubical, knelt over the toilet bowl and just threw up!

 

My sister cleaned me up and took me back to our table where we ordered a round of sledge hammers but how’s this for a News Café FAIL. All of the shooters we ordered for the night except the tequila shots, they had no liquor, they substituted everything!!! And I mean EVERYTHING. So we had our sledge hammers and two minutes later I needed to dash off to the ladies, this time I couldn’t even make it to the bathroom door, half-way down the passage I hurled into the public dustbin… in front of the million gamblers around me. Then quickly into the bathroom where my sister cleaned me up once again just for me to throw up again!!! Shame the poor thing… From here until I got home I don’t really remember much. I remember telling my sister in the bathroom that I don’t feel well and that I don’t wanna drink anymore (no kidding… I just threw up like 5 times!)

 

So when we went back to our table for the umpteenth time I ordered a giant glass of ice water and downed it… yeah alcohol and water don’t mix so well and this time I didn’t even leave my chair… I just turned over my left shoulder and gagged! People were staring and handing me serviettes and ordering me more water…it was scary to be a spectator and funny too.

 

Oh yes my date just in-case you forgot that this night was about us meeting, well he was right there and unfortunately not recording the performance…So pissed outta my mind little me blanked out in the time the bill was being paid… though I do remember telling my sister my debit card pin to foot the bill for this fiasco but she was scared, shocked and worried and couldn’t concentrate…so some how they all scrambled money together and my sister found some cash in my purse and paid the bill.

 

In that time my date was told to escort me to the parking lot for some air…and that’s were he made passionate love to me….lol NEVER!!! So as we’re walking out, I tell a stunning looking man that I like short fat guys!!! WTF??? I would have slapped myself if I was sober… I like short fat guys??? Really??? I didn’t know that about myself… oh and addition to my I like short fat guys comment…I said that’s why I like him!!! YEAH – Someone get me checked!!! WTF WTF WTF??? Why on earth would anyone sober or not say that to a 1.72m guy who’s a well built gym freak??? No wonder they call me Looney_Mesh.

 

So we fumble around the car park and here my mental GPS wants to tell him how to get to my friends car… we get there…don’t know how but I eventually had to describe the car to him. My sister and friend magically appear and then off I send them for KFC!!! I really wanted a twister and if you know me well enough you’d know not to mess with me drunk/sober when I’m talking food!!! So off they go…leaving my poor date alone with drunken ol’ me and my ramblings.

 

I decided to sit down then roll over on to my tummy coz I felt the need to spit… o_0 hmmm yeah next thing I was like dosing off on the pavement… How classy especially on a first date. Most guys would love to sleep with you on the first date – but watched your dated star fished out on the pavement section of the car park – yeah totally priceless!!! I remember being yanked around a bit and then tossed into the back seat of my friend’s car.

 

Next thing I was home and in my pyjama’s and wrapped up in bed. So I woke up for my KFC twister and plonked myself on the centre of my kitchen island stove counter thingy… (it’s a huge counter in the middle of the kitchen with a built-in stove) eating my twister and complaining that it’s burning my mouth… my sister and friend laughed at me, telling me it shouldn’t burn because it’s mayonnaise…but it burnt and I wouldn’t listen to them… they put away my twister and tucked me back into bed.

 

Saturday morning when I put my phone on I was shocked to see sms’s and voice messages from him checking if I’m ok. I quickly typed up a cute sms that also explained how sorry I was for my despicable behaviour. Sunday afternoon my brothers, sister and I hit the mall for some acardal fun. I called him up and said I’ll be there and he actually met me there… I was beyond shocked!!! We saw each other quiet often after that… and now I’m pleased to introduce to you my boyfriend Van Konar.